Loving Ena

About two weeks ago Ena took her first big trip. We went to visit her Nanny, Granddad and Great Granddad. Of all the things I imagined being difficult while we were away - a disruption in the schedule, sleeping challenges and the like - I never guessed that being around new people would be one of them. Ena has begun to 'make strange' around everyone but E and I. She cries when other people hold her, and she was quite fussy for poor Nanny and Granddad.

This change in her behaviour has had me thinking. They say that by around 8 months babies start to really recognize their parents and respond by crying or fussing when they are around strangers. When we visited her grandparents I had a little time away from Ena - the most time away I have ever taken - and I realized that I am also making strange, in my own way. I don't cry when I leave the house, but I do feel a real absence and even a longing when she is away from me. It's just this feeling that something is not right. Something important is missing.

Today I was looking at her as she slept in her swing (still not napping in her crib!) and I was struck by the depth of my love for her. When she was born, I immediately loved her. I felt that she was fragile, vulnerable, that I needed to protect her. She was so tiny. So lovely. She immediately had my heart. Over the months since she was born that love has changed. I am more experienced. She doesn't seem nearly so delicate. And, more importantly, she has really begun to express her personality. When I looked at her today, I felt as though I knew her and loved her for who she is. What a lovely feeling.